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幽默集锦 20-03-21


姑娘,你真的中计了
前任突然发短信说,你有东西放在家里没拿走,过来取吧。
于是我打车去了,到了那里是他现任开的门,样子十分诧异。
然后前任出来,将东西给了我
临走的时候依稀听见他与现任说:“我都说了没你漂亮了,你别闹了……”
我次奥!我是不是中计了!

今天你也许关心的话题:

为了控制疫情,请委屈改变一下自己的行为
以为跳出火坑,却进了火海!一个逃离美国,到中国躲避疫情的故事
加拿大能借鉴台湾遏制新冠疫情的经验吗?

想要阅读与本文有关的话题?请点击本文末的链接!



国内航班
机场里一个姑娘对着登机口跪地大哭:“你为了国外的生活,就可以这么抛弃我么?连最后一面都不肯见我就偷偷跑掉,有种你走了就别他妈回来!”
一名工作人员走过来扶起姑娘,帮她拍掉身上的尘土:“对不起姑娘,这是国内航班……那啥,你哭错口了。”

这俩活宝真是一对
一天商场购物,现金不足,刷卡。
收银员很自然的将计算器给我输密码。
当时我也没仔细看,就在上面输入密码,还配合的按了下归零键。
结果打印机半天不出发票。
收银员抬头看我:请您输入密码并按确认。
我答道:我输入了!
当时收银员以为机器坏了,反复输入了3次。
旁边一美女生气了,你俩玩够没?计算器也能输入密码?
我跟收银员顿时脑残。



带鱼本身就是扁的
那天课上,老师给我们讲“液体的压强随深度的增加而增大”。
他给我们举了个例子:说潜水员做深度潜水时,必须穿抗压潜水服,否则胸腔会被压扁。
接着他问:“那么生活在深海的带鱼为什么能安然无恙呢?”
话音刚落,一同学就抢着回答:“因为带鱼本身就是扁的,不怕压。”




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