中英对照：死于新冠的朋友让我们深陷懊悔与愧疚
My friends’ sudden death to Covid leaves us grappling with regrets and guilt
来源: 大中报 南茜(Nancy Jin)
我和先生的朋友殷政去世的消息传来后，我简直不敢相信自己的眼睛，我盯着微信群传来的消息良久，感到既震惊又难以置信。30年前，殷政和我登上同一航班从北京飞往加拿大， 自此我们便纷纷踏上了既相似又不同的移民生活之旅。我在多伦多建立起了有两个孩子的家庭，他则成为一名软件工程师，在纽约实现了他的美国梦。虽然这些年相聚甚少，但电话交流和社交媒体让我们保持着友情，缩短了距离。我一向认为只比我大几岁的他仍处于人生的巅峰时期，过着稳定而充实的日子。如果人在中年的我仍感到来日方长，他怎么可能如此匆匆地离开了我们，告别了人世？！
The news that Yin, Zheng, the friend of my husband and I, died of Covid last week came as a shock. I stared at the information from the WeChat group, astounded and in utter disbelief. Thirty years ago, Yin Zheng and I boarded the same flight from Beijing to Canada, and since then, we have embarked on a separate but similar immigrant life journey of the American dream. I’ve established a family with two kids in Toronto while he became a software engineer living in New York. While get-togethers were far and few between the years, phone calls and social media have brought the distance closer. At the back of my mind was the belief that he, only a few years my senior, was in his prime, living his life to the fullest. If I am still enjoying my life as a middle-aged, how could his life possibly end so instantly?
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因感染新冠病毒去世会发生得非常突然，对死者的朋友圈来说，是一场意外而突如其来的打击。疫情期间，上百万的人士经历了这场精神上的磨难，有些失去了一起长大的发小，而有些则失去了一生的挚友。与久卧病床的患者去世所带来精神创伤不同，新冠造成的突然死亡让朋友们惊诧之余不知所措，难以承受这毫无心理准备的残酷现实。往往，他们的追思悼念之旅不仅充满了与朋友永别的伤痛，还饱含着无奈，遗憾和内疚之情。
Covid deaths deal a hard blow to the victims’ friends --making them unable to bear the sudden and unexpected tragedy. Millions of people experienced a similar ordeal after the sudden death of their close circle of friends during the pandemic – from grownup buddies to lifelong companions. Unlike the anticipated passing, which provides ample time for friends and loved ones to brace emotionally, a sudden Covid death reduces friends’ ability to cope, leaving them grappling with a myriad of emotions and thoughts. Apart from the extensive pain of loss, their grief journey is also fraught with the feeling of helplessness, regrets, and guilt.
殷政在生命的最后阶段饱经病痛的折磨。 他在进入急救病房后三天去世，死得孤独凄惨。新冠病毒患者的弥留阶段都是在剧烈的挣扎和逐渐加剧的窒息中度过的，伴随的是极度的恐怖和绝望。被困于病床之上的他们，失去了写作和说话的能力，被剥夺了与这个仍关切着他们的这个世界告别的机会。这也许是为什么殷政的微信贴嘎然停止，以及我们直到一个星期后才得知他去世的消息。
The thought of Yin’s sufferings in his last moment of life was disturbing and heartbreaking. He died alone in the hospital, three days after being admitted into ICU. Covid patients fight a lonely and excruciating battle at the end of their life– facing terror and desperation as they struggle to catch breath through an oxygen mask. Confined to the hospital bed, they lose the ability to write or speak, deprived of the opportunity to say goodbye to the world that still cares about them. It may explain why Yin’s frequent WeChat presence suddenly came to a stop and why none of us were aware of his death until a week later.
但未能与殷政郑重地告别也是让他的朋友圈最难接受的现实。殷政去世后，他生前的朋友，大学同学以及同事们纷纷在微信群发文，回忆与他共处的时光，表达他们沉痛的哀思。但在他告别人世之前，在他病榻弥留之际，在他最需要亲朋的时刻，他们却没能和他一起回顾人生旅程，或献上一份朋友的关爱，一份来自病床之外的世界的支持以及与病魔作斗争的鼓励。他就这么走了，从他们的生活中消失了，走得那么孤单，那么突然和悄声无息，这一现实让活着的人感到非常残酷，给他们带来了挥之不去的悲伤和懊悔。
But missing out on the final farewell to Yin has presented profound challenges on those who remain. Posts poured into the WeChat group as his former friends, college classmates, and co-workers shared their memories of him and expressed their overwhelming sadness. But the most unsettling and distressing part was the lack of the sacred moment to honor his life, to show our care, love, and support when he needed it the most. The way he died and disappeared from our lives, so lonely, silently and abruptly, has struck us hard, inflicting lingering anguish and regret.
回顾往事，当殷政世时我们有许多未了的心愿和未尽的朋友职责，而这加剧了我们的负疚感。我们本该在殷政最后一次来访时，挽留他多呆一段时间，我们也不该总是把下一次见面的计划一拖再拖。在美国疫情严重期间，我们本该将对美国政治的微信辩论转向对疫情的影响。而就殷政对自然疗法的热衷和他对现代医学的抵触，在美国疫情升级之际我们本该告诫他当时所面临的新冠险情。
Moreover, many unfulfilled desires and obligations have fueled our feelings of guilt. We should have made Yin stay longer with us the last time he visited or tried not to allow procrastination to delay our long-overdue get-together. We wish our WeChat debate had focused more on the pandemic as Covid outbreaks escalated south of the border. Given his enthusiasm for natural path therapies and his defiance against modern medicine, we wish to have warned him about the great danger he was facing.
特别是，我们应该催促他接种疫苗，因为疫苗意味着避免灾难，意味着喜与悲，生与死的差距。
More specifically, we should have pushed him to get vaccinated, as it was the difference between joy and sorrow, turmoil and peace, death and survival.
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